First and foremost, the most important thing that your departed loved ones want you to know: They are not dead! That's right. They are not dead. They may not be here in the flesh, breathing and hanging out in a physical body; however, they are definitely alive and well in non-physical. They are, in fact, better than well. They are actually carrying on, living vicariously through you. And, if you haven't already noticed, they are sitting right next to you, riding in the car with you, changing channels on the tv and playing songs on the radio. They are turning the lights on and off and sometimes they leave the faucet running.
The second most important thing that they want you to know: Life is short and you are taking it way too seriously. They really want you to have more fun, lighten up and appreciate all that this beautiful planet has to offer. They want you to love more, take risks, follow your heart, be silly, be easy, laugh at your self more and be kind to your self . Some of this is purely selfish because, like I said, they are living vicariously through you. They get to feel what you feel and see what you see, taste what you taste and enjoy whatever it is that you are doing. It brings them great joy and satisfaction to see you loving your life. So whatever changes you need to make to be even 1% happier, do it!
What happens when we die is too large of a topic to cover in a simple blog post so I am just going to cover some basics that most everyone asks during sessions with me.
Are they okay? Yes, absolutely! They are more than okay. They are blissful! They are happy, peaceful, relieved, clear, free and everything else positive that you can imagine.
There was nothing you could have done. It was their time. They planned it. It was all in perfect order and divinely orchestrated.
Yes, that rainbow you saw, that red bird, dragonfly, butterfly- whatever it was- YES! That was them. It was definitely them. That creaking sound the floor made was them. I will tell you this, if anything you see, hear or feel or smell - anything makes you think of them, you can bet they are right there making it happen. Yes, you heard your name called. Yes, you felt that slight breeze on your face, that slight caress on your arm.
They know they know they know that you love them. They know that you are sorry. They aren't mad at all. They heard you. They hear you now. They aren't lost, sad, scared, regretful, anxious, worried, mad or anything else negative.
Now I am not saying they don't convey these emotions when we connect. They do because it is our language and how we communicate and process life here. So they meet us on a level we can understand. For example I recently did a reading for someone whose husband passed. He told me he was not ready not ready not ready AT ALL and he did NOT want to go. He really wanted to be here. He really wanted to keep living his amazing life with his amazing wife. This was important for his wife to hear and it made total sense that he would say that right away. She then told me that he had 7 heart attacks one right after the other and something in her knew that he was really fighting to stay. Each time he was revived, he just had another. He really was fighting to stay here and that was important for her to know and understand. He expressed how much he missed her and everything that they had created and were planning for their future. For her, this was of great comfort to hear. It validated what she was thinking and feeling. She needed to know the reason he had 7 heart attacks was because he wanted to stay. She needed to hear he did everything he could to not go. Where before she felt abandoned, when she knew how hard he tried to stay, she was able to let that feeling of abandonment go.
He also showed me a tear - that he was crying at the end, acknowledging his reluctance and sadness around this fateful time. I asked her if they were crying together at the end because he was indicating crying and a tear. She told me that as he was dying, he was unconscious and she was holding his hand telling him all of the things she wanted him to know. She wondered if he heard her, if he knew what she was saying or if he knew she was even there. As she talked to him a tear slid out of his eye and down his face. She thought it was just a bodily function or reaction to all of the devices he was hooked up to and she had no way of knowing for sure. So him showing this to me and me sharing it with her caused a great gasp. It was exactly what she needed to hear, to know for a fact that tear was real. He DID hear her. He DID know she was there. In this session what came through was nothing of a real surprise to her. What did happen though, was that all of her feelings, notions, ideas and thoughts she had been rolling around in her mind for weeks, were all validated. She was able to have peace with so many aspects of his untimely passing. So ultimately he is not really sad to be where he is because it is impossible to be sad in spirit; however, he conveys sadness to her, to us here, because it is the language we understand. He wants to acknowledge her feelings and meet her there. Eventually this will shift, as she lives longer in her new reality. Having someone in spirit is like having a cheerleader on your team that never tires. No matter what your relationship was like here, no matter how it ended even, they lose all of the human ego stuff and truly are in a state of pure love, with full clarity and understanding of their and your journey. They have opinions and suggestions and want to becomes a guide for you in any way they can. Many want you to learn to speak this non-physical language and develop your own gift of connecting with the unseen.
There is SO MUCH going on still with your loved ones in spirit. It is a magical world that is a part of ours. It is not something we live separately from. It is as alive as you are sitting here reading this. What I love about connecting with these beautiful spirits is their sense of humor and the wisdom and honesty and sincerity that they bring. Sometimes I get real pranksters and they give me cryptic messages. Sometimes the spirit is shy and quiet, reflecting how they were here when they were living. Sometimes I get absolutely nothing or very little and it feels like I am pulling and pulling and straining to get contact or information. I often find that this happens when someone is newly in spirit and/or when the one wanting to connect is still steeped in grief and despair.
Grief and despair are strong emotions and are truly all-consuming. The feelings are so heavy and present that they often block our intuitive senses and knowing. We can't see, think or feel anything but this great loss. It takes time to move thru this and it takes being kind to yourself, being easy about life and what you are processing. For me grief is immense, especially when it comes to my animal soulmates. In February of this year I was getting over Covid and feeling pretty horrid when I woke up on a Saturday morning to see my sweet, little, special-needs kitty, Manji, struggling to pee. This had happened before so I knew to call the vet and run by there and they would help him express his bladder. Despite my feeling bad, he clearly felt worse and thankfully the vet got us right in. They knew us as we had regular monthly visits for quite some time. It was 10 am. As I waited in the car while he was inside, this knowing hit me that this time was different. I knew it was going to be more serious. As soon as I had that realization they called to let me know that they couldn't express him. They didn't want to burst his bladder and that my option was to take him to an emergency clinic for the weekend. I wasn't sure what I was going to do and the vet said, 'You don't understand. I am not letting him leave unless you tell me you are taking him to the emergency vet. He will die if you don't." It was now 11 am. I sat there in shock and they brought him out to me. I had looked up the clinics they recommended and all were 25 miles away, which here in Atlanta is like an hour. The vet tech said to me, "Listen, I want you to know... when you take him they will put a catheter in him and stitch it in so he can't pull it out. Then they will hook him up to fluids and flush his system all weekend until the stone or clot or blockage releases." He told me it was the only option. So I drove home with my kitty and gave him some chicken that I had cooked for him the day before (this was part of his special needs). He ate a little and tried to pee again. He looked so miserable. It was then I realized that I had another option and that was to release him from his little body here. I just couldn't imagine having him ride for an hour and then sit in an emergency clinic all weekend in that condition when it is bound to happen again and again. At 11:30 am I called them back and asked them if this was my only other option. After speaking with the vet I decided letting him go was the most loving thing to do. I said that I wanted about 20 more minutes with him and would bring him back. The girl on the phone said, "We close at noon so you better hurry." This was not exactly what I needed or wanted to hear. However, when the path is clear and obvious, things happen fast and I knew this was just another sign of reassurance and that he was ready. I have to say this Dr. and the entire staff couldn't have been more amazing and compassionate. I had as much time with him as I wanted. There was no rush and it was all sweet and beautiful. They gave me a glass vial filled with some of his fur to take with me and a week later I got a card from them. They had all signed it and included seeds to plant for flowers in his honor and they had made 4 little cards for each of his paws. I used to tell him that I loved his little voice because it was just so sweet and so different and one of the techs on the card wrote how much she loved his sweet and unique voice and will miss it. I laughed and loved that she noticed too. I hoped he would come to me in my dreams that night because I often get visits that way. He didn't. Instead he came to my cousin Becky. She said Manji was huge and playing and so happy. It was then I knew that my grief was so strong that I couldn't receive a visit yet. I have realized, as I stated above, that sometimes grief is so immense that it blocks our other senses from feeling, seeing and knowing that our loved one is still around. It took two weeks of solid, heavy grieving before I had my first dream of him. In this dream it was morning and I was walking into the kitchen where the kitties gather and wait like clockwork for breakfast. My husband was in a hurry to be somewhere and was walking quickly and I saw the cats scatter. I saw my sweet Manji run for the hallway to get out of the kitchen and out of the way of fast moving, undiscerning shoes. I was shocked and yelled his name and reached for him. I picked him up and said, "You're here! You're here! I am not letting you get away. I am soooooo glad to see you!" I went by the back door in the kitchen and sat in the floor holding him in my lap. I was holding him, hugging him and he just lay there with his head on my chest purring. He melted in my arms. He didn't pull away or struggle to be free like most cats do. He was so so so sweet. In the dream my husband came in and saw me in the floor. I said to him, "I know you cannot see this but Manji is here. He is in my lap and he is letting me hold him and love on him." My husband kneeled down and held his hands out and started doing energy work over his little body, even though he couldn't see him. This was something my husband would do for him in real life to help and I know it was Manji's way of thanking him too with that being a part of my dream.
I have had more dreams since then and they have been pretty simple and easy. Every morning when I would sit and have my coffee, he would climb up next to me after he ate and sleep while I meditated and set my intentions for the day. In my dreams he is often there curled up next to me. Sometimes I dream of him laying outside in his favorite spot soaking up the sun. And the best dreams are when he is running and playing because his back legs didn't work so well in real life and he didn't get to do much of that while here. With that story, you have to know those dreams you have of your loved ones are real! They are real visits. There are some exceptions to this, yet for the most part, they are real. You are getting to hold them, hug them, see them, hear them. I would encourage you to never underestimate how they can show up. Never underestimate how they can say hello and let you know that they are there. Let yourself believe in all of the things, signs and ways that you feel they might be around. You are not silly and you are not crazy. You are connected! Go with that knowledge, awareness and understanding that you are so very connected. You are so very loved. You are so very supported. You have cheerleaders in spirit who can manipulate energy and they are literally "dying to help you'!! (no pun intended) Yet they are! They really want you to talk to them, ask for them to help. They LOVE being included and involved. I have several that ask for a place setting to be set for them during the holidays or special gatherings. It is truly hilarious how much they want to remain a part of your life. I asked my dad to help my husband find a job a couple of years ago. Not only did my husband get hired with this fantastic company whose name has my dad's name in it, his start date was my dad's birthday. And even better is the company's address is my husband's last name! Crazy, right? Absolutely not- this is the pure magic we can live in everyday when we are open to our loved ones in spirit still being in our lives. I end this message wishing you much happiness, hope, optimism and playfulness. May you feel uplifted and inspired by the signs and magic in your own life. May you begin to feel even more connected than ever before. May you find the ease and joy in dancing and living with the unseen world and let this magnificent joy radiate out from you in all that you think, say and do!
With Love, Joy and Magic,